like ive mention before my memory is mostly worthless. unless i have a picture or someone telling me the events of a night (a few times over and over) i usually dont remember, that being said. the following story is mostly accurate

in high school i was shy, and shy might be an understatement (once i sat on gum in front of the football team and almost d i e d of embarassment). my life consisted of 5am dance practice, school, volleyball, work + home. and on the occasion some msn messenger if i was feeling crazy.

one day at the bust stop i met a girl named markell | and she changed everything. she had a car, so cool, and she was… real. like totally raw + wasnt afraid to say what she felt. gosh how i love that. we became instant friends. when my mother went away for the summer to work markell’s family took me in. they introduced me to the gospel, family dinner, piano lessons; oh and punishment. man did we get grounded, hard + on several occasions.

these pictures are blackmail… on myself.

we fell in and out of love together. we discovered The Used and pancake covered sausages together. she shared her room, her life and her family with me and i am eternally indebted to her for this

markell is now a mom. to two {holy cow, i need to get on it} and an amazing one at that. i asked her if she would like to share her experience with having her littles 13 months apart; of course she said yes because she is a boss.

below is her story.

oh + her darling blog is amouseinmykitchen

How I got through my pregnancy with a new baby – Guest Blog: Markell Corpus (Fuller)

I had my first child in April of 2011. After trying for a year to get pregnant, I was overjoyed to finally welcome my little boy into the world. I looked forward to bonding with him and spending countless hours cuddling and getting to know my new buddle of joy. I quickly learned that things wouldn’t go exactly as planned.
They say that a mother knows when she is supposed to have a baby. Whoever “they” are. I found out that “they” are right. At least in my case. When my little boy was three weeks old, (yes, THREE WEEKS), I knew that I was supposed to have another baby. I remember the moment vividly. I was nursing him in his nursery. I was enjoying the moment. He had finally learned how to latch right and nursing was no longer a dreaded act, but a special moment between me and my baby. Then, it hit me like a bolt of lightning. I was going to have another baby, and quick.
At first I resisted the idea. I was faithful about taking the necessary precautions to make sure that I wouldn’t be getting pregnant again anytime soon. Plus, I was nursing, so I felt that I was double protected. It turns out that wasn’t enough.
In August, I learned the news. I was pregnant again. Despite all my precautions. Okay, maybe I did miss a pill or two, but I was really careful. Word to the wise, you can get pregnant breast feeding and you can get pregnant on the pill. Nothing is 100% effective.
In retrospect, I am so grateful for that lightning bolt feeling I had when I knew I would be getting pregnant again. When I got those two pink lines, I wasn’t entirely surprised. That’s not to say that I was ready for it, or that it wasn’t hard, because it was. It was extremely hard. The first four months I have horrible morning sickness. It was hard enough the first pregnancy, this time I had to take care of a small baby on top of taking care of myself and the new growing child.
So, how did I make it thought you ask? Well, let me tell you!

Support from strangers

It sounds funny, but one of the things that helped me more than anything else was all the people who told me that I wasn’t alone. The first one happened when I went to Rite-Aid to buy my pregnancy test. I was carrying my son in his car seat when I went up to purchase the test. She looked at me and the test and my baby and said,” Oh no, are you okay?” I told her that I was, and she told me that her and her brother are only 13 months apart, and that she loved being that close in age to him. She then told me that I would be okay, and that I could handle anything. This kind stranger made not only my day better, by my entire pregnancy a little easier.
That was not the only support from a stranger that I received. All during my pregnancy, I had people tell me about people they knew who had kids that were as far apart as my kids would be. For the record, they are 13 months apart. Knowing that other people had been through the same thing as me and survived it was a huge help for me.

Support from family

As much as the support from strangers helped, support from my family is what got me through my pregnancy. My husband was quick to take the baby out when I needed a nap. My mother and mother in law were there to talk. I always had someone I could count on to help me through the hard days.

Exersaucer

I had a friend at church that let me borrow her child’s “exersaucer” That thing was my lifesaver. Seriously. My son spent an hour most mornings in that thing. He loved it. I was always sitting right next to him, except for the time spent hugging the toilet.

The stroller

As soon as the morning sickness was over, the stroller was my new best friend. I was lucky that my son loved to be outside, and the weather was good. I spent countless hours pushing him around town in the stroller. It helped me clear my mind and have a little time to myself while preparing for what was to come.

Spiritual Strength

I would be lying if I left this part out. I found myself reading scripture and prayer more than I ever had. I knew that if I was going to be thrown into motherhood this way, I was going to need the help of my Heavenly Father. And, He did help me through the entire thing, and now helps me get through the crazy journey of motherhood.
Getting through the nine months of pregnancy ended up being beautiful when it culminated with the birth of my beautiful daughter. Now that my little girl is almost one and my little boy is almost two, I wouldn’t change it for the world. If you find yourself in the same situation as me, make sure you find all the support you can from friends, family, or strangers, find a few good things to keep your baby busy, and make sure you take care of yourself and those two babies!

About Markell: I am a 24 year old, married, stay-at-home mom of two little kids, who are my pride and joy. I enjoy cooking and I love to learn new things and teach those things to other people. I am happiest when I am creating beautiful things, whether it’s food, crafts, or memories. Read more about me including additional parenting posts, recipes, and a whole lot more on my blog, A Mouse in my Kitchen.

today i got zinc poisoning | literally, i little white pill made my body curl into a crampy little ball and i laid on my love sac till 2

and i was so… blah

ive been having major cabin fever. it would be more bearable if i actually were in a cabin

logan is frigid. like crunchy snow frigid. and to make matters worse there arent really any inside places that entice the mind. {if you are from the valley and know of any, holler}

so my mind has been desolate. somedays i feel like i have Alzheimer’s, which is probably my worst fear. then i realize that this is my fault. so i packed up my laptop and ventured to the cutest little cafe | a little treat of culture + neighborhood that serves some decadent hot cocoa

while im being random. do you ever “feel” memories. i am not sure if that even makes sense {sugar daddy didnt seem to get me but ill try}. every once in awhile when life is all muted gray i start to “feel” memories. not just the smell of coconut reminding me of bronzed skin + popsicles. like i actually get a little homesick for a memory. a little longing for that first whiff of summer rolling in, a little nostalgia for BBQ on the lawn. and sometimes it even kind of hurts. like one of those dreams you wake up from and feel all wobbly + weird.

oh + im sportin’ that .com now | alwaysfelica.com

talk about ADD.

i have decided that i should use my weirdly spelled name to my advantage, so my blog is back to alwaysfelica.wordpress.com. lets stick with that. ive also kept my bitter “i dont have a husband and im getting old/the horrible life of dating” posts in my archives, so if you are feeling all down in your luck check those out, you’ll instantly feel like a winner.

when you get engaged your world sort of changes, completely changes. no more parties, dates or googly eyes from the dude in the produce section. it’s quite refreshing. your girlfriends also become a gillion times more important. long talks about the oddity of marriage over paninis + crumb cake are worth their weight (or yours after the indulgence) in gold.

i have a few homegirls i hold really close to my heart. the conversations we have never leave the table.

kym and i met at a fairytale like “cabin” last year. it was the best blind date ive ever had. since then we have bonded over baking skype dates, random road trips and trips across country. now i am married and she is engaged to our future president. in a week i will be numbing the pain of sugar daddy leaving me for curry + elephants with a trip to arizona with kym. oh sunshine and swimming pools here we come!

ive convinced her that she needs to blog. afterall she is the most interesting human ive ever met (all hot + musical). check her out… http://kymberleeee.wordpress.com/2013/02/25/i-run/

babe right?

i have life ADD.

being raised in a less than stable family with a gypsy-soul of  a mother didn’t help. we moved a trillion times from 7 bedroom renters to tiny apartments where we slept on a pull out bed; and by we i mean all 4 of us. this lifestyle, while no so glam, taught me to appreciate the small things.

it taught me that water bottles should be refilled. that driving to your vacation is really a road trip. that ordering a soda at a restaurant is a waste (unless you all share it while the waitress isn’t looking). it taught me that a mother can also be a father and that siblings are your best friends when you aren’t in elementary long enough to make some. it made me all sorts of strong (mentally, oh and also stubborn).

it also made me a little bit random. like, dance party in the living room random. and also like, living in logan for 5 years now is making me want to rip my hair out random. i know that this is something i need to face because kids need stability. it also means we will be taking lots of  “road trips”. even a new restaurant 30 miles away can be oxycodone for the pain of familiarity in my crazy nontraditional head.

being raised so perfectly- randomly also made me an imperfectionist, oooh just made up a word. i LOATHE (you know its serious if i use caps, i hate caps) mundane, same old same, monotonous tasks. especially and almost exclusively the ones that have to be done “right”. if it is supposed to be uniform, straight or perfect i am not the women for the job. i dont find this a weakness, just a byproduct of creativity.

i also just learned you are supposed to be a perfectionist at taking birth control, “same time everyday” my friend ash told me. whelp, might have sugar baby allen before we know it.

so park is the big 2 5 today, im officially married to an old man!

this morning it really hit me that we have been married a month (+4 days) but who’s counting. and then i thought about those times that you wake up and think its morning and your alarm is about to ruin your amazing slumber but to your surprise its 2am and you feel like you just won the freakin lottery.

yeah that is what our one month mark made me feel. i realized we have eternity to laugh. we have forever to cook experimental dinners and go on barefoot walks.

time moves so fast but when you believe you have eternity it is much easier to absorb each day as it comes.

so happy birthday my sugar daddy. here’s to knowing we have an eternity of kisses and a never ending supply of days to continue to learn + grow together.

i was perusing my old blog and discovered i used to be much more creative, almost as if all the creativity that now readily surrounds me has sucked mine out. eaten it. stolen it. so, i decided to kick it back old school, blog a little old felica style blog.

i have life block.

honestly, i feel so uninspired. the only thing that feels good, like grilled cheese gooeyness good, is parker. of course, he couldnt be a more perfect husband, friend, love. but in all other respects i feel all, grey. (disclaimer: grey is my favorite color but not as a feeling).

winter is quite the creativity, color, wonder + everything else sucker. when i wake up and our room is barely glowing, even through our light curtains, i die a little inside. the winter is my kryptonite. i pound vitamin D daily just to keep my tears down. my writing has been sub par, a mix of mom blog wanna be posts and photo bombs of better days; i long for those emotional posts that (even though i wrote) i can re read over and over again. my cooking has fallen by the wayside without fresh juicy fruit and crisp veggies. my skin is dull, my hair is ashy and its like scraping a knuckle with a cheese grater every time i attempt to work out my perma-froze muscles.

i promise this blog isnt all complaints and ice crystals. there must be a solution. this morning i listened to a Ted Talk, amongst the speakers extensive vocabulary i was able to pick out an underlying theme. inside inspiration. the kaleidoscope of brilliance that we as artist ( + yes you are all artists) pull from to create masterpieces does not bloom from the sweet strawberry plants or waif smoothly from the summer breeze into our mushy, susceptible brains. we create it.  and if you dont believe in God, sit in a poorly lit, bitter room as gray flat cloud float outside your window and realize that you can channel warmth. you can summon creativity from within you.

sound cheesy? of course. but im not arguing with cheese. life block is real, especially in a town so dull + lifeless as logan in the winter. but your veins are pumping with warm life giving blood that travels, quite efficiently, to your brain where tiny receptors are waiting to turn this into a spark that could be your next masterpiece.

so i will pretend there is sun outside my window.

remember that one time it was summer?

and the slush didnt follow me into my car and stain my mats? + i was all tan and my hair was all sun-kissed

oh and i could eat popsicles for lunch and drive with the windows down.

i sure do and freak do i miss it everyday. nostalgia is an understatement, i long for the sunshine. winter depression syndrome is absolutely real. mark my words sugar daddy and i will live somewhere where the sunshines with a personal vendetta against the cold. my babies will be brown and their hair will be salty and streaked. + at christmas we will come to utah and ski.

but for now i must embrace this heinous season + i most certainly need help.  for now my list of reasons to love winter is very short, can you help a sister out?

1. sweaters {but fall mainly has this covered so its mostly just to make the list longer}

2. hot cocoa

3. hot tubs

4. . . snuggling?